he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
