her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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