you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
