I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize