A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
