that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
