she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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