My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blood and glitter go together right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
