please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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