weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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