I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
