We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
