Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
