Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
