How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
