I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His nipple licking is glorious
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