well you can't waste a boner
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
