My nipple is on Facebook.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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