I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
