We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
