We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
