So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
