so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
