i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think your dad took our porno
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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