Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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