my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
