how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
