Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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