Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
