I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
