wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
