ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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