final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
