Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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