I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
