I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
