Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize