the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
