i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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