i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I look better un-naked...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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