I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
