Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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