Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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