shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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