Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
