If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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