i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
be right there i have to get my cape
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
