i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
