Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
