I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
