final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
