How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
