i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
