I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
