matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
