if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
