so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
