this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
40s are totally the cure
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
