I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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