Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
