90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
