he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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