Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
