I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
