I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
