You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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