I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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