wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
