happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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