got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
