I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
