she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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