did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
