it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
